A full account of all events in Melbourne, including some cricket match that was taking place in the City....
MelbourneWe finally arrived in Melbourne at around half past 9 (at night) on Saturday 23rd December, and by the time we'd gone through the various immigration (we even had to fill an immigration card out, not like home at all that!!) and passport controls, before boarding the transport to the hotel, it was well past 11 o clock, too late to venture out, seeing as it would take us another hour or so to check into the hotel.
Bayview on the Park was the name of the hotel, and we were met in reception by a cockney wide boy, telling us how cold it had been over the last few days he'd been out there, but Christmas day was going to be well into the 40's he told us. This went against all the Weather reports that we had received, saying that it would be around 20, and pissing it down all day, still he sounded like a tourist rep.
In fact he was nothing more than a Mr know it all fly by the night bullshitter. Still maybe he wanted to make friends, so we didn't pass comment, just nod and say "yeah whatever youth", maybe I was too tired to make a more formal "get lost" statement.
After chucking the cases into the rather posh rooms, it was down to the bar to mingle with the other English travelers, and make haste at the bar, which for some reason tried to close several times, before finally running out of bottles around 2 I think, where we all to make a hasty retreat ready for the joys of the days ahead.
With somewhat of a mirky head, we were able to enjoy Christmas Eve at our own leisure and see what
The main square in the city is probably like most English cities in the point that there are plenty of trendy wine bars, but with them being situated next to the main river, it was too good an opportunity to pass up, so most of the day was spent lounging around and generally being in a relaxed sort of mind.
The place was also jam packed full of English supporters so we were in good company.
It was also working out at around two pounds fifty a pint, so in theory the prices were not all that different from back home. The local brews that seemed to attract most attention were Crown and Carlton lager, Fosters was nowhere to be seen, despite it being traded back home as 'an Australian Lager'. We were told before we headed out there, that should the weather be hot, then it best to drink halfs in order not for the liquid to become un-drinkable, but seeing as the clouds were well in attendance, this was not really needed to be taken into consideration.
After a relaxing day doing not a lot and eating ice creams, it was back to change to see what the night life would be like later on.
We were informed that a little town just outside 
The place as predicted to us was packed to the rafters, with much jostling and general rowdneness going on, but not a hint of trouble as some Dodgy looking band took to the live stage at the far end of the pub.
For some strange reason we took it on us to leave for a while, and head back into the centre of Melbourne, but with not much joy in finding anything on the same scale as what we had left, we beat a hasty retreat back to the rorkuss pub that we had left earlier.
As with most other countries, apart from good old England, closing times on public houses just don't exsist and much was the same on this occasion, it's more a case of when you fall over, it's perhaps time to make to the exit.
This we did about 3 o clock, and into a taxi waiting patiently at the side of the road. At this point it is worth mentioning that all the taxi drivers in
This probably doesn't really excuse this guy from then driving down the wrong way on a dual carridgeway, before realizing the error of his ways, and then doing a three point turn over 5 lanes of traffic, great we thought, only the first day and someone was trying to kill us. Eventually we survived the near death experience and made it to sleepy quarters ready for the Christmas Day barbeque the following day.
Despite the best predictions of the guy who had greeted us as we checked into the hotel, it was to say the least mightily cold come Christmas Day, not exactly the kind of weather that we'd had in mind for the holiday, and certainly not the sort of stuff you need when your on your way to a barbeque. Still I suppose we took comfort in the fact that we were to find out later that this particular Christmas day was the coldest on record for Australia, so at least we were part of a bit of history.
A quick taxi ride was taken to the side of the main river in
The whole day was played out to the background splendour that is the Melbourne Cricket Ground, it looked mightily impressive and that was just from the outside.
Me now being the 'media whore' obviously tried to get my mush on the box, but my 'media circle of friends' just simply didn't want to know, and I appeared to be shunned from the spotlight.
Despite the rain and spells of cold snaps, I have to be at pains to point out that later that night, my head was red raw, and beginning to peel, how do you explain that one?
The BBQ went on for around 4 hours, before people began drifting off, plenty of bottle of ale had been supped, and we were ready for the night ahead.
After such a heavy afternoon of doing it, we decided to head into the Casino at night to try and unwind.
But given the fact that the Casino in the centre of 
Not the latest of stays in there to be fair, but enough to head back to bed around
We set off quite early for the 1st day of the test, the buzz of the possibility of sitting with 90,000 other fans for a sporting event doesn't come along that often, in fact very rarely, so to make the most of it, we needed to be up and ready. Another seven dollars was handed over to the restaurant staff in the hotel for another cold fry up, and with firmly full stomachs, headed into the centre of
The walk up to the ground, only hightened the buzz. The ground is also right next door to the home of the Australian Tennis Open, the Rod Laver Arena, which in itself contains two stadiums that make Wimbeldon's
Our tickets were all together, and plonked us right in the midst of a section purely for the Barmy Army, the area I guess would hold around 5 thousand or so, so we were in good company, and more importantly close to a bar.
The weather was cool, but certainly not cold, a typical British summers day if you like. It was hoped that the attendance for the day would break the cricket record, but rather unfortunately the figure fell about 900 short.
The first job to get done before settling down and having a beer, was to get the 'Haslam Out' flag put up so the camera's could catch it. There was nowhere near to where we were sat, so me and Scott took it upon ourselves to head into the third tier, and place the banner nicely over a barrier, and along side the Bridge Tavern flag that we had borrowed from back home.
With all the formalities done, it was time to have a crafty beer and settle down for the day to watch the action.
We had been informed before going, that whilst the cricket was taking place, the beer was watered down, ie only mid strength beer would be on sale. Take it from me, it's like drinking piss water, and is about 2 per cent I reckon. We tried to get an official alcohol percentage from those serving up, but to be fair they were also embrassed at it's contents, and wouldn't tell us.
The reasoning we were told, is that the Aussies can simply can't take their beer, and a few times, there has been fighting at Cricket, which led to this decision. Whatever the reason, it wasn't pleasant to drink, and meant we would need to take on board twice our normal allocation, just in order to feel slightly merry.
By the time the afternoon had arrived, Greg had tried to get as many down him as possible and was starting to just about wabble, but the funniest sight was the home crowd, who had downed probably just 3 or 4, and were simply all pissed as newts. Several of them came into the seats where the Barmy Army were all situated, and were either arrested for spitting everywhere, or just simply fell over and were laughed out of the ground.
It truly was an hilarious sight.
We also met up with up with a lad from back home (Rich) who was over in Brisbane for a while, but managed to get tickets for the first couple of days, and proceeded to drink merrily with us for a while during and after the cricket.
Needless to say I don't feel the need to mention the cricket that much, as it was going to form from the rest of the series, ie we were getting tanked, or tonked if you listened to locals.
I suppose one little blessing was being in the ground as some fat bloke took his 700th wicket, but all this seemed to do was hammer more nails into the England batting, who all looked as though they wanted to be anywhere but where they actually were. 
We decided to take the flags down at Tea, rather than rush around at the end of play trying to battle through people to get to them.
Despite winning the toss and electing to bat, Warne had indeed struck his 700th wicket, and by the close
After the depressing feel to the days cricket, and just one or two quick stops for a light shower that kept delaying play, we declined the offer of the free bus ride back into town, and proceeded to walk back to a couple of bars before heading back to the hotel.
This is where the jet lag and probably the night before caught up with us, as we didn't make it back out at all that night, instead opting for a posh meal in the hotel, and a couple of beers in the bar, before a relatively early night.
The good nights sleep seemed to do us all the world of good as we made the same journey to and into the MCG. The ticketing for the remainder of the test was slightly easier to understand, as now instead of the allocation of seats, as on Day 1 of the test, it was sit where you liked. This just meant that the section we were occupying, would be swelled even further, with even more noise coming from the back of the stand. Day 1 had saw a lot of noise, but the general inability of the team to perform on the field seemed to nullify it's enjoyment.
After Greg's attempt to get merry on the piss water yesterday, I decided that today I would have some sort of attempt, so instead of sitting down, positioned myself to the right of a little terrace at the back of the stand, and keep nipping to the bar.
It was a struggle to be honest, but with
It did go completely tits up in the afternoon session however, as Hayden and Symonds decided to spank
To be honest, we weren't the only ones, which meant that the atmosphere inside the pub was friendly and generally good natured, you know the sort, where other people insist in buying you drinks in return for a friendly chat.
The cricket however was going from bad to worse as the hosts finished on 372-7 at the close of play.
We had decided earlier in the day to return to the Casino at night, and check out the various nightclubs that were on offer, on the top floor. This idea coupled with the excellent warm up session that afternoon, led to a fun filled evenings entertainment.
It also led to me winning some 350 dollars on the Roulette wheel, which more than gave me a free night out in the live music bars, and the following club.
All in all, an excellent night, which appeared to go on and on, and on. Ended up sort of stumbling in around
It was during the suffering the following morning that we found out our 'Haslam Out' flag had caught the national papers around 
Greg, who knew some lads from Langwith that were over for the test, had received a text informing him that the flag was seen in a national newspaper.
Fearing a huge backlash, we once again decided to leave the flag at the hotel again, and following the rather late evening that we'd experienced the night before, it was a bit of a later start to the cricket.
Got to the test around an hour in, the others (minus Scott, who was still in bed) were there for the start, but seeing as defeat was now inevitable, the trudge to the ground was with somewhat of a defeatist trek.
Although only the third day, by now the crap beer was getting the better of me, so in a way I'm glad the Cricket was nearly finished, at least it allowed us to go and have some proper brews elsewhere around the City!!
The obvious outcome of the third day was a defeat to
We all went out for an extremely posh meal that night in St Kilda, but it turned into a bit of a slow process to actually get the food out to us. Despite a half empty restaurant, it still took some two and a half hours to finish a two course meal, talk about slow.
As we were near to the Elephant & Wheelbarrow following the meal, it made sense to pop in for a couple of hours, but the previous night's entertainment meant that come half past one, it was time to crash and burn once more.
The 2nd to last day in
Several trips to the Ice Cream Parlour appeared to be my daily task, although the guy behind the kiosk got a tad little tired of serving me up the same cornet combination of strawberry and chocolate.
A good day's tanning was followed up at night time, by a trip to shall we say we visited a exclusive establishment, I can't give too much away but it starts with a G and ends in entelmans club. I lasted again until about
Everyone else lasted past three o clock, with Greg spending his entire holiday money in one night.
The last day in Melbourne was another quiet affair, as we had the early flight the following day, the morning was spent on a tour around the MCG tour, which to be honest, bored us senseless, it went on far too long.
Another point to the morning was that another piece had appeared in the Aussie Press explaining the flag incident in full.
We decided against going on the Neighbour's tour, that we had booked earlier (must have been the sunstroke!).
This was probably helped by the fact that we would have to board the 'Neighbours' bus, and to be quite frank I would have had to have been knocked unconscious before getting on that!
Despite the fact we'd paid, it was probably the right decision, and a hasty email lying that one of our party had been taken ill was sent in apology.
The night time was spent in the Casino again, this time I won only about 30 dollars, before we left at
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